Saturday, August 7, 2010

A Quick Story and the One Week Countdown

OK, first off I have to elaborate on an incident I mentioned last time. I'm sure you all have been sitting on pins and needles since I mentioned in passing my interview with the naked man during my recent stint a a census enumerator. Well, the wait is over.

During my first week driving around talking to people for the census, I met a very unusual man. When I pulled up to his house, and he came outside to speak to me, he was wearing a pair of cutoff jean shorts. He made the comment that it was good that he'd heard me coming up his driveway because at the time he had been outside washing his Harley naked. Now this guy lives in a very rural area and his house cannot be seen from the road or his neighbors' houses, so each his own.

So, we sat down in a couple lawn chairs and started the usual census questions, and as he was telling me about washing his Harley naked he asked "you don't mind nakedness, do you?" Well, silly me, I thought he was just talking...trying to see how I'd react...that kind of thing, so I said no. HA. Joke's on me. He said "good" then stood up and stripped off his shorts.

Here we sat, me keeping my eyes on the questionnaire and him just sitting there in all his glory. Now, some people have told me I was crazy and that I should have insisted he put his clothes back on or gotten up an left. (And let me tell you, my husband, whom I thought would get a laugh out of this whole thing, was not happy when he heard about it.)

I didn't tell him to get dressed because I was kinda startled by the whole thing, and still trying to be polite I reckon. His yard and all that, and he wasn't in the least bit threatening. I mean, this was a tiny little old man. Well, maybe not "old" but older...let's say that. (And from the way he was acting, I kind of wonder if he'd been smoking the "happy" cigarettes.) Ya' know, if I was going to have to interview a naked man, he could have at least looked like Hugh Jackman. **sigh**

Then, there was the fact I was sitting in this crappy lawn chair, and with my knee acting up the way it was that week (osteoarthritis sucks), there was no way I could get up and run. And, I surely didn't want to have to come back to his house, or send someone else out there to deal with this situation.

So, there I sat, asking him the questions, and keeping my eyes averted as best I could. At one point, he said something about friends of his saying his penis didn't appear normal and asked if it looked normal to me. OMG! I didn't look, merely paused in my questions long enough to say that I wouldn't know as I hadn't seen that many in my life. :-)

It was an interesting day, and I am working on an essay about it to add to the book of essays I'm writing. And who knows, this fella may end up in my novel as well. I mean, fact really is stranger than fiction. And it's like I told my crew leader later that week. When I signed up for that job, in the back of my mind I was a bit worried about someone pulling a gun on me. I never thought I'd have to worry about someone pulling a penis.

There are a couple more details to this story, but you'll have to read my essay when it gets published. :-)

**Side note: Seven days and counting. In exactly one week, I will be in Brevard for Garrison Keillor and his Prairie Home Companion Summer Love Show.**


Vicki Lane said...

Oh dear god, this is HILARIOUS! Your answer was really good (but you should have said, 'Looks like a penis only smaller."


Anonymous said...

He rides a Harley??!!!
Now this is a character I want to read about.LOL
Will he recognize himself in your essay, do you suppose?

Run with this one hit pay dirt!