Tuesday, June 9, 2009

It's My Turn

Finally, I get my turn at this computer thing. This is Major...the handsome one among all these cats around here. I swear, if any more cats show up, I'm leaving. Well, maybe not leaving. But, I sure will be miffed. May even stop letting the MommyLady hold me on her lap so much.

The MommyLady and DaddyMan went out the door a few minutes ago, and I've decided to take this opportunity to set the record straight about a few things. I can't imagine why they go out that door so much. Every time I've gone out that door, after being shoved into a box mind you, I end up in a real horrible place where they set me up on this cold metal table and a mean lady in a white coat not only sticks me with needles, but worse...she puts some sort of stick up my butt. What kind of perverted thing is that to do to a cat? I give MommyLady the cold shoulder for at least an hour afterwards, but she still insists on taking me there. She just doesn't understand.

Anyway, what I want to set straight is all this talk I hear about these cats she has outside. I see them in the window once in a while. They just sit there and stare in. The girls, Eddie and Face, don't like that at all. They jump and hiss at the window, then at each other, which is all just a waste of time and energy. The problem is, MommyLady just keeps on feeding them. I don't understand that. If she would stop feeding them, they'd stop coming...and there would be more food for me.

Which brings me to another point; there can never be enough food. MommyLady has put us on this thing she calls a "diet." What confused human came up with this concept? Probably the same one that came up with the stick up the butt thing. I mean, who in the world thought it would be a good idea to limit the amount of food that is given to a cat? What bunk!!!!

Look, I'm working on getting the MommyLady to go back to the way it used to be, when our bowls were kept very full all day and night, but until then, let me tell y'all how it should be. Cats do not need diets. Cats need food. The bigger we are, the happier we are. Skinny cats? Miserable. They hate the way they look. Fat cats are much happier. Why we.....

...Oops, gotta go. I hear them at the door. Just remember: lots of food - GOOD! Sticks up the butt - VERY BAD!!!


Vicki Lane said...

Nice post, Major. Don't let those people (inferior beings) push you around. Sometimes it takes a firm paw.

Personally, I feel that a little weight adds dignity -- gravitas, as it were.

Eddie (whose servant human thinks he's cute when he walks on the computer keys, little knowing. . .)

Stumpy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stumpy said...

Hey Eddie. I have a sister named Eddie. Just goes to show you, these humans aren't so smart after all. (Oh, and my nickname is Stumpy. Go figure.)

I think we're about done with this diet thing. The MommyLady seems to be getting a bit frustrated with Face, another sister with an odd name. She has a habit of yelling alot when she's hungry, and she's hungry alot.

We'll get these humans trained yet.