Saying Goodbye to My Dad

I received a call this evening from my stepsister. My dad passed away sometime early this morning. He was battling a malignant brain tumor, and the last time I spoke to him, he actually sounded a bit better. I was hopeful and planned on going to see him in the next month or so. I won't be able to make his funeral on Monday, the tightening of the proverbial money belt has hit so many of us these days, but I do still plan on heading for St. Paul some time to see Sandy, my stepmom, and to visit Dad's grave.

Somewhere I have a picture of Dad giving my first bottle at home on December 24th, 1969. It is the only picture I have of my dad and me. Actually, it is one of only two or three pictures I have of my dad. He wasn't one for having his photo taken. He was the photographer. Any time I visited him (my parents were divorced when I was 4), he seemed to always have a camera at the ready.

Years ago I wrote an essay about how trains reminded me of Dad. He worked for the C&NW railroad. The essay sat on my computer for the longest time until I took it out and dusted it off last year, sending it in to Western North Carolina Woman Magazine for their Y Chromosome issue. That essay can still be found at http://www.wncwoman.com/june08/page38.html.

Dad and I have never been very close. He wasn't an easy person to get close to. But over the past several years, we kind of found a place where we at least knew what was going on in the other's life. We talked on the phone once in a while, and we emailed each other a bit. (Dad was never a letter writer, so when email came around, it was perfect.) In the last couple of years, Dad seemed different, like maybe he was realizing what he missed out on as the years sailed by.

I didn't grow up with my dad around, so I used to think he really had no influence with me. But, to paraphrase a comment left by Vicki Lane on yesterday's blog, when it comes to parents, even when they're not around, there's still a relationship. For better or worse, they are a part of your life. You just have to take what ever they give you and go from there.

Goodbye, Dad. I will miss you.

Updates and Such

My dad was released from the hospital yesterday and is now at home. They are going to do a biopsy on Wednesday. He does have a brain tumor but it's not entirely clear if it's cancer or not. For now, it's a waiting game.

So, here I am in a holding pattern basically. When we know something definite, I'll start planning a trip to Minnesota. Cancer or not, Dad will have to undergo surgery to have the tumor removed so a trip is still called for. Until then, I have a few distractions. My writers group Christmas party is tonight. We are also saying goodbye to a member/friend who is moving to Virginia, so it's kind of a bitter-sweet event. And I still have some paperwork to fill out at the bank for my business accounts. (I have my first pet-sitting job this coming weekend.)

On the cat-front, Muffin disappeared on Saturday afternoon. One minute she was in the yard, the next she was gone. Now, I know cats tend to wander sometimes, but truth is, she doesn't usually. When Sunday morning rolled around and she wasn't waiting for her breakfast, I got really worried. And as the day wore on and still no sign of her....well, my heart was breaking to say the least.

Then, Sunday evening, I decided to go check out my neighbor's basement. Chris had mentioned something about that possibility that morning, but as far as I knew she had never gone down there. Well, what the heck do I know? I walked over there, flashlight in hand, and called her name...and did the usual "kitty, kitty, kitty" thing. And sure enough, I heard a meow from the basement. I opened the door and here she came, looking at me as if I was a crazy monkey for taking so long to find her. She followed me home, ate like crazy, then proceeded to run back and forth across the porch for a good bit of the evening. I think she had a lot of pent up energy to get rid of.

Cats. Gotta love 'em.

The day started out great...

...then hit a wall.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I went to the local Register of Deeds and filed a Certificate of Assumed Name for my pet sitting business. Then, I went to the bank and opened a business account. Tri-County Critter Sitters is now up and running. (Just need to find an artist to make some changes to my logo.) I am now working for myself, and I'm thrilled and nervous as heck all at the same time.

Don't think it will be too bad. Got a pretty good boss, doesn't yell too much. ;-)

Then last night, the wall I mentioned earlier showed up. It seems my dad is in the hospital ICU. They're saying he has a brain tumor. Couldn't get too much info from my step-mom last night as she was pretty tired and distraught. Should learn more this morning. Either way, looks like I will be heading for Minnesota at some point soon.

Dad and I aren't extrememely close, but he is my dad. Over the past few years, with email and all, we've managed to keep in touch a lot more than when I was a kid. We even have some pretty good phone conversations once in a while. And he's the only parent I have left.

Right now, it's a sit and wait thing. I'm sitting and waiting for the phone to ring with some sort of news. Until then, keep good thoughts for my dad.